Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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