I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
