I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize