I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
