38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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