i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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