This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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