just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
