i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
