hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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