I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She made me pour olive oil on her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
