i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
