I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
