I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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