Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
