so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
