You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize