I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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