Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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