my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
