So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
