I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
