if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
