Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
