Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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