Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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