Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
