The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize