I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
