I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
