Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
