I am puke
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
