OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
