remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
