do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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