you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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