Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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