what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
