Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
