I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
