My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
