I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
