p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
