he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
