you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
