i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
