my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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