I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
