My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
