the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
