you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
