My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
