May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
