Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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