He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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