we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
as a side note pls kill me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
