I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize