I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
