have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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