If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
