Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize