Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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