I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude. I can hear the air.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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