it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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