so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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