Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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