I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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