It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
