In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
