I can't watch pbs sober anymore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
