so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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