I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the liver wants what the liver wants
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
