I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize