:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize