sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
