Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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