just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
