Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
