you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
vagina is talking i cant
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
