The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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