I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
