Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize