May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
