3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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