i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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