Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
