Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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