i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
