Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
