Say something about gay babies.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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