Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
