OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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