She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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