its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
