i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
