I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
