Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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