What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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