I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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