You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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