Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
