shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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